Monday, January 19, 2009

On the wagon in the moment of now

One thing that has helped this hillbilly follow the straight and narrow is focusing on the moment of now and not getting all caught up in the 'what ifs' of life. I try to not worry about things that haven't happened and make plans that are only consistent with probability for the things that might happen.
This morning I was thinking about the 'what if' of my reaching my weight goal. Will I just turn around and balloon back up to 225? What kind of diet will I be able to enjoy? How often will I be able to eat really fattening things that I do so enjoy? The reality of all this is that I haven't even dropped below 210 yet, but here I am all caught up in the future and things that are not part of my moment of now.
But ya see, I've got reason to worry about these things (not). I've never done anything that felt good to me that I didn't get almost immediately addicted to. Sometimes I mention that I don't drink or take drugs. Well, that's because 12 yrs ago I quit doing that stuff because it was destroying my life and I know that if I start doing them again, I'll go right back to where I was. MY life is too good for that. I don't smoke tobacco anymore either. Haven't touched the stuff in over 5 yrs. If I do, I'll go right back to it full-time and I don't know if I can go through the pain of quiting again. . . I know my wife and family couldn't.
My basic rule for staying clean of these bad addictions is; No matter what happens, no matter how bad it gets, no matter who effects me, I don't go near drugs, alcohol or tobacco products. <---period. Simple.
If only it were so easy with food. Give up food? Can't do that. Give up something that gives me great pleasure but can and should be regulated? Naaaaw. I've given up enough. I've got to take this addiction and reach a compromise. Exactly what that compromise will be, I dunno. See, today I just have to focus on sticking with the diet. When I hit a weight I'm comfortable with and want to maintain it, then I'll worry about what, where and how often. Today I'll just focus on the moment of the now and see where I end up.

I really am back on track. This morning I was back where I was Fri. morning, so while I did have a slight but enjoyable little relapse, things are still progressing well.
BTW: If you're working recovery from some other addiction like drugs or alcohol, there are no "compromises" and I don't suggest you try any "slight but enjoyable relapses." They never turn out that way.

HEY! What an incredible week it's gonna be! I've witnessed one or two truly historic events in my life and tomorrow will be another one of those times. One of those times that make me actually feel good about my country and proud and grateful to be living in this time. I'm so glad I've lived (hopefully) to savor this stunningly wonderful event.
Remember, people will someday ask, where were you when Barack Obama took the oath of office and became President of the United States?


MacDaddy said...

Sagacious, good to hear you're back on track and sounding more positive.
This s**t is not easy. I was overweight too.

rainywalker said...

Stick with it! I was in Colorado Springs enjoying every minute of history. It feels like a time of change and therefore it will be.

MacDaddy said...

I think that your losing weight is a metaphor for what all Americans need to do: trim the fat.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Mac, Good idea. May I add to "trim the fat" and "get busy!" Work, do your job, be productive. If you don't like your job, move on. But if you've got a job, do it and do it well.
Obama said he was inspired by the USAir pilots who said they were "only doing their job." It's true. Everyone should just do their job to the best of their ability. Why not? In the words of Obama "we'd be in much better shape."

AskALesbian said...

I'm a new reader but wanted to "weigh in" with a couple of thoughts.

I just celebrated 22 years of continuous sobriety for which I am very grateful.

I am the only one in my immediate family that had a drug and alcohol problem, but I've watched virtually every one else in my family suffer with extreme weight problems. My heart goes out to them.

Food is different and I would think more difficult to manage. I would hate to imagine where I'd be if I had to drink "just a little alcohol" each day in order to survive.

I admire you and would like to add my encouragement toward your goals.

(Friend of Hahn's)