Sunday, September 2, 2007

Morons, mortals and heros in the news

Can lottery be unlucky?
One Powerball winner says he was cursed by lottery luck.

Here’s some of the “bad luck” that has randomly befallen Mr. Jack Whittaker.
One teenager died in his residence of an apparent drug overdose. A year or so later, his own grandaughter was found dead of an apparent drug overdose. Random bad luck?

While in an alcohol and who-knows-what-else induced stupor, $250,000 was stolen from his car outside of a cheap dirty 3rd rate strip club of which he was a nightly patron.
Another time, someone stole a comparable amount out of his car as it sat in his driveway.
Lessee, you’re a famous local person who is known to carry huge amounts of cash, you do stupid things like leave those huge amounts of cash in your car while drinking yourself silly in a 3rd rate strip club and leaving it in your car after a night of heavy partying. . . random bad luck?

Accused of blatant sexual harassment at a local gambling joint, found guilty and sentenced to pay up. Random bad luck?

Busted for drunk driving multiple times. Sentenced to rehab. No show, drama, another sentencing, legal wrangling, etc, etc. Random bad luck?

After years of blowing huge amounts of money on lots of legal, semi-legal and illegal activities and such things as “here’s $500 honey, show me your tits,” he declares bankruptcy. Random bad luck?

Gimme a break. This guy is just another moron. How do I know this? He lives in the same county that I live in. I know a guy who was VERY close to him for many years doing a lot of his dirty work. This is local legend. Believe me, I’ve but grazed the surface of the dirty deeds of this guy and pretty much only covered the public stuff.

“Random bad luck” my ass. The only thing that has to do with luck in this case is the fact that this slack jawed moron bought a lottery ticket and won the biggest jackpot in history (at the time). After that, it was pure unadulterated stupidity.

Sen. Craig resigns over sex sting
By JOHN MILLER, Associated Press Writers
Sun Sep 2, 6:17 AM ET

BOISE, Idaho - In a subdued ending to a week of startling political theater, Sen. Larry Craig announced his resignation Saturday, bowing to pressure from fellow Republicans worried about damage from his arrest and guilty plea in a gay sex sting.

Is there any end to the entertainment value in the news. Wow, talk about a moron. Sen. “I am not gay” Craig has certainly provided a wealth of it this week. He began by adamently proclaiming “I am not gay, I never have been gay.” Then it was revealed that there have been many rumors and much gossip through the years over Sen. Craig’s sexuality. In particular, his homosexuality. So when the Minneapolis Airport Police set up a gay sex sting in the public rest rooms of their airport, they just happened to catch the innocent “I am not gay” Sen. Craig. Does this moron think he’s fooling somebody? Is it possible he believes that even one person in America believes him? I’d bet the profit off the hogs in my barnyard that even this fool's wife doesn’t believe him.
Ok, so now crawl into your pitiful little corner of the world and keep telling yourself and your right wing homophobic former constitutents that you are not gay. At least there will be one less self hating, homosexual in the legislature telling other homosexuals that in this country their freedom and rights to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness are less than other people’s. Good riddance you piece of shit.

Has a mythical beast turned up in Texas?
By ELIZABETH WHITE, Associated Press Writer
Sat Sep 1, 5:25 PM ET

CUERO, Texas - Phylis Canion lived in Africa for four years. She's been a hunter all her life and has the mounted heads of a zebra and other exotic animals in her house to prove it. But the roadkill she found last month outside her ranch was a new one even for her, worth putting in a freezer hidden from curious onlookers: Canion believes she may have the head of the mythical, bloodsucking chupacabra. . . .
But what folks are calling a chupacabra is probably just a strange breed of dog, said veterinarian Travis Schaar of the Main Street Animal Hospital in nearby Victoria.

One of the most popular internet news articles of the past 24 hours. . . Yea, we all like a little bit of entertainment now and then. But seriously, did anyone REALLY believe that someone had found a “chupacabra” and why is the nation press even aware of this story? Lessee, if I take a chicken head, a rat’s body, a couple of bat wings. . . I think I got me an innerestin critter down in my barn.

Sci-fi throngs boldly go ... to Atlanta
By ERRIN HAINES, Associated Press Writer
2 hours, 58 minutes ago

ATLANTA - Allen Hansard did not want to be one of 500 Supermen at this year's DragonCon parade. Determined to stand out among hundreds of sorcerers, intergalactic soldiers, superheroes and other sci-fi characters, Hansard spent weeks on his Hawkman costume. The gold helmet alone took him three months, and the gray wings cost $1,000 at a costume shop.

Morons? Naw, just weenies. Weenies having a good time. No harm here, but it does give me the opportunity to inject a funny story.

My son and wife were in Boston last year looking at colleges. They were staying in a Cambridge hotel where there was a “GALAX” convention going on. They got into the elevator with one of the participants and inquired as to what a “GALAX Convention” was and were told by this obviously gay man that it was a “gay and lesbian science fiction writings convention.” Well, my son, being the well read young man that he is ceased the moment and enthusiastically told the guy “Oh, I’ve been reading all of Phillip K. Dick’s books, to which the swishy gay man replied, “no offense, and this may seem strange, but I don’t like Dick.”

(BWAAAAHAHAHAHA, true story, hearty laughter all around)

Enjoy yourselves, all you weenies in Atlanta. You aint hurting anyone and you’re enjoying life. It don’t get no better than that. I applaud your weeniedom.

Mars rovers OK after dust storm
By JOHN ANTCZAK, Associated Press Writer
Fri Aug 31, 10:01 PM ET

LOS ANGELES - They're old and dirty, but NASA's Mars rovers are back in the exploration business after enduring a lengthy Red Planet dust bowl that blocked most of the sunlight they need for power.
With skies gradually brightening, the solar-powered rovers Spirit and Opportunity recently resumed driving and other operations that had been suspended during the dust storm.

Here’s a big tip of the straw hat to the many scientists, engineers and technicians at the Pasadena JPL who have kept these little jewels running for over three year. They were designed for and it was hoped that they would function for about three months. Now, three years later, they keep going, and going and going. Wow, these guys definitely have won the energizer bunny award of the century. Real life heros.


soberchef said...

Doesn't like dick. Funny shit!

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Come on chef, that wasn't even my line. I got better stuff than that!

BTW: I worked the line last weekend. Saved a sauce or two (made a port/demiglaze). . . I believe I'll be asked back.