Thursday, June 26, 2008

Hillbilly Review Board #2

For today’s edition of the Hillbilly Review Board we’re going to go over some things that many of you hillbillies are just plain ignorant about.

OK, let’s just jump right in to a topic that some Hillbillies and many others just don’t want to talk about or maybe they’re afraid. It is kinda embarrassing when people don’t just honestly put their feelings out there on the topic and look like some sort of uncomfortable grandmother with a squishy wedgie up their ass when they do talk about it.

But we’re not afraid of no topics around here cuz we just lay it all out as honestly as we can, right or wrong.


Yes, the topic is race.

Hillbillies! Ya got a problem.

Let’s just go past the obvious. Black people, Mexicans and other minorities are the same as you and just trying to get by in life just like you. We’ll leave it at that.

Now, a few things many of you hillbillies have GOT to learn.

It’s not ok to use the term “nigger” in front of someone just because they are also white. You see, not everyone is as simple minded and ignorant as you are. When I hear you use that term I will treat you like the dumb fuck racist that you are and make sure everyone within hearing distance knows what a dumb fuck ignorant racist hillbilly you are. You see, I don’t want any of the other dumb fuck morons within hearing distance to think they can respond to your ignorant ass bullshit in kind. I also don’t want anyone to ever get the idea that I will tolerate or condone such idiotic racist behavior or respond in kind. Nope, you’re going to be an example, so go ahead, use the “N” word. Watch what little respect you had and all your dignity disappear.
And those of you who claim to not be racist or bigotted but stand by silent when people say racist and bigotted things. . . you are no different than they are, you just say different things when you open your mouth. If you let them get away with it, you are just as bad as the perpetrator.

It’s not ok to say anything racist, even if you cloak it in some flimsy film of irrational understanding. So just shit can the fucking statements that include “those people” or “you know how they are” or other blanket condemnations that do nothing but display your own blatant stupidity and backwoods attitude.

Now listen up here hillbillies. It is ok to ask questions if you really want to know the answer. You aint gonna solve your problem of ignorance unless you ask questions. So go ahead. Wondering something about black people, Mexicans, Jews or some other minority? Ask. You can ask some black person, Mexican, Jew or whatever if you’d like, or you can ask me, the Sagacious Hillbilly who is the HMFIC of the Hillbilly Review Board.

Another thing you gotta do. . . Vote for Obama. Beside the best interests of hillbillies everywhere, which we’ll cover in another more politically oriented post, you racially bigoted white people have got to just bite the bullet and perform an exercise in putting your prejudices aside and doing the right thing. Yea, let the good of the country and your own best interests trump out your racism. You’ll feel good about yourself for doing it.

Ya know, as long as Appalachian folks are known for their backward racial views, people are not going to be interested in having anything to do with Appalachian mountain folks. They aren’t going to build their factories here, they aren’t going to come here for their vacations and they aren’t going to bat an eye when someone says something stupid and stereotypical about Hillbillies. Your schools will always be mediocre because the best and brightest are simply not going to want to attend or teach at what is perceived to be a backwoods institution.

Think about it. Yea, think. Does holding on to old ideas that are outdated and socially unacceptable EVER help a society or culture? I can’t think of a single society or culture that flourishes by doing so. Look at the Muslim extremists in today’s world. They are viewed as primitive morons. Guess what. . . so are you.

Get over your prejudices. Open your minds. Make like it’s the 21st Century.

We CAN turn West Virginia and other parts of Appalachia into a modern well thought of and well liked locale, but it’s going to take a change in OUR attitudes and the way WE perceive the world, ourselves and other people.

You aint gonna change other people’s attitudes about West Virginia as long as you’re thinking like some 19th Century backwoods racist moron.


ADRCP150 said...

Sagacious, I gotta say, you give me hope for this country. I read your first Hillbilly Review Board and laughed so hard and this second one actually brought a tear to the eye. I'm glad you wrote the comment about Obama and voting in your best interest. I don't think people understand that its not about color, its about taking the country in a better direction than what it is now. Eight years of BULLCRAP is enough. We can't have another four years of the same thing. We are ALL struggling. Its time to put away racist attitudes and VOTE FOR YOUR BEST INTEREST.

MacDaddy said...

Good post.

I found your advice to hillbillies about the use of the N word very interesting because I'm starting to say something similar about people who use words or phrases that strike me as classist, even racially biased against whites, "Grease monkey." "White trailer trash." What I find is that people say both phrases with a derisive tone...
I guess I'm just getting older and just don't like to hear put-down stuff about people, unless it's really warranted. And most of the time it's not.

MacDaddy said...

I forgot to say that, so far, I haven't heard this from black folks yet. But I'm sure I will. I think it's especially important to let people within your racial or ethnic group know when they're being inappropriate. Blessings.

ADRCP150 said...

I could not agree more Macdaddy, coming from a black man. it all needs to stop.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Mac, I personally feel insulted when someone does that. It takes a lot of fucking nerve for them to think I'm an ignorant racist hick just like they are.
People will not change unless they feel peer pressure.

Grease monkey?! I've only heard that used to refer to auto mechanic. I used to have a good friend who was an ace mechanic that I called a grease monkey.
White trailer trash? My son refers to himself as that and is proud of the fact that in fact, he remembers when up until he was 4 yrs old he lived in a trail. . . uh, mobil home.
I don't like hearing "Charlie." I know what that means and I aint no "Charlie."

adrcp150, I'm going to talk about the politics of hillbilly best interests in the next edition of the HbRB papers.
Show us your profile. . . who/where are ya?

Stimpson said...

Nice blog. I've visited a few times since reading a comment you posted at angryblackbitch way back, but stuck with lurking till now. You and Joe Bageant seem to be kindred spirits, if you pardon the expression being used by an atheist.
I agree with you that using rude epithets to disparage people of any skin colour is unacceptable, and you shouldn't let it go when you hear somebody do that.
But I agree with Lenny Bruce's observation that words like "n*gger" have power because we give them power. I dream of the day when the word won't be hurtful, it'll just be an indication that an idiot is speaking. Then some kid won't go home crying because the best some dim-witted asshole could think of was to call him a n*gger.

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...


All I gotta say is George Carlin would have loved you. That's a helluva compliment.

Yours truly,



Macon D said...

Excellent post, SH! I hope some hillbillies who have it together enough to have a computer get around to reading this. I suggest for everyone here, print it out, use the other side for a grocery list, shop at a place where they serve lots of hillbillies, and then leave it "Review Board" side up in a grocery cart.

Oh, and I agree, Joe Bageant rocks.

themom said...

I couldn't have said it any better!! WELL DONE!

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

well said

Nice spot u have here, hope u don’t mind the drive by, do chk me out one day

rawdawgbuffalo and if u like what u read, maybe u will come back, even Blog Roll Me