Hillbilly Review Board #2

For today’s edition of the Hillbilly Review Board we’re going to go over some things that many of you hillbillies are just plain ignorant about.

OK, let’s just jump right in to a topic that some Hillbillies and many others just don’t want to talk about or maybe they’re afraid. It is kinda embarrassing when people don’t just honestly put their feelings out there on the topic and look like some sort of uncomfortable grandmother with a squishy wedgie up their ass when they do talk about it.

But we’re not afraid of no topics around here cuz we just lay it all out as honestly as we can, right or wrong.

Race.

Yes, the topic is race.

Hillbillies! Ya got a problem.

Let’s just go past the obvious. Black people, Mexicans and other minorities are the same as you and just trying to get by in life just like you. We’ll leave it at that.

Now, a few things many of you hillbillies have GOT to learn.

It’s not ok to use the term “nigger” in front of someone just because they are also white. You see, not everyone is as simple minded and ignorant as you are. When I hear you use that term I will treat you like the dumb fuck racist that you are and make sure everyone within hearing distance knows what a dumb fuck ignorant racist hillbilly you are. You see, I don’t want any of the other dumb fuck morons within hearing distance to think they can respond to your ignorant ass bullshit in kind. I also don’t want anyone to ever get the idea that I will tolerate or condone such idiotic racist behavior or respond in kind. Nope, you’re going to be an example, so go ahead, use the “N” word. Watch what little respect you had and all your dignity disappear.
And those of you who claim to not be racist or bigotted but stand by silent when people say racist and bigotted things. . . you are no different than they are, you just say different things when you open your mouth. If you let them get away with it, you are just as bad as the perpetrator.

It’s not ok to say anything racist, even if you cloak it in some flimsy film of irrational understanding. So just shit can the fucking statements that include “those people” or “you know how they are” or other blanket condemnations that do nothing but display your own blatant stupidity and backwoods attitude.

Now listen up here hillbillies. It is ok to ask questions if you really want to know the answer. You aint gonna solve your problem of ignorance unless you ask questions. So go ahead. Wondering something about black people, Mexicans, Jews or some other minority? Ask. You can ask some black person, Mexican, Jew or whatever if you’d like, or you can ask me, the Sagacious Hillbilly who is the HMFIC of the Hillbilly Review Board.

Another thing you gotta do. . . Vote for Obama. Beside the best interests of hillbillies everywhere, which we’ll cover in another more politically oriented post, you racially bigoted white people have got to just bite the bullet and perform an exercise in putting your prejudices aside and doing the right thing. Yea, let the good of the country and your own best interests trump out your racism. You’ll feel good about yourself for doing it.

Ya know, as long as Appalachian folks are known for their backward racial views, people are not going to be interested in having anything to do with Appalachian mountain folks. They aren’t going to build their factories here, they aren’t going to come here for their vacations and they aren’t going to bat an eye when someone says something stupid and stereotypical about Hillbillies. Your schools will always be mediocre because the best and brightest are simply not going to want to attend or teach at what is perceived to be a backwoods institution.

Think about it. Yea, think. Does holding on to old ideas that are outdated and socially unacceptable EVER help a society or culture? I can’t think of a single society or culture that flourishes by doing so. Look at the Muslim extremists in today’s world. They are viewed as primitive morons. Guess what. . . so are you.

Get over your prejudices. Open your minds. Make like it’s the 21st Century.

We CAN turn West Virginia and other parts of Appalachia into a modern well thought of and well liked locale, but it’s going to take a change in OUR attitudes and the way WE perceive the world, ourselves and other people.

You aint gonna change other people’s attitudes about West Virginia as long as you’re thinking like some 19th Century backwoods racist moron.